thecages

One of the major stresses at Catalyst was the all-singing, all-dancing Diebold ATM which was meant to wow S1 customers with it's business-card depositing, channel integrating, coolness.
It was meant to be connected to our Postilion system to be used by the conference attendees to draw S1 Bucks (fake money). Each attendee was issued with a debit card and could draw x Bucks from their accounts.
The idea was that they would then go to the Postilion booth and use our (on-demo) internet banking and service center systems to go and look at their account, transactions etc.

In the end it turned out to be a disaster to get going (set up started on Saturday morning - the Diebold was finally running on Monday nite).
This involved the Diebold tech support guy standing around a lot and saying things like 'They checked it before it shipped.' and 'I'll call back to the service center again'.


In contrast to this the conference also showed a Triton ATM which plugged in and ran within an hour[1].
Triton ATMs are the small(read cheap) stand-alone ones that you typically find in convencience stores and generally piss people off with their painfully slow printers[3].
In this case it easily outperformed the industrial-strength, build-into-the-wall Diebold.


The non-functioning of the Diebold was made even more painfully evident by the fact that Diebold(one of the Gold sponsors[4]) hosted the first of the evening social events(i.e. open-bar slosh-fests) on Sunday nite and due to the fact that they did not have an actual stand at the expo[5] couldn't actually point anyone to any of their products. ouch.

To the point of this entry - Diebold have been contracted for some years to supply electronic voting machines to US states. So far it's a project that has been plagued by distrust(among voters and candidates/contestants), bugs and regulatory hassles.
All that is about to change, apparently.
I wouldn't hold my breath[6].


[1] After we broke open the cash boxes for which no key was shipped[2]
[2] It turns out that ATM cash boxes are all plastic and can be rendered asunder with nothing more than one of those Leatherman type tools
[3] Tritons also run MS Windows 2000(and probably still NT4 as well) whereas Diebolds run a proprietary OS.
[4] Sponsors are rated as Bronze, Silver or Gold based on how much ca$h they dropped. It seems that no-one wrote a cheque that made them worthy of Platinum status.
[5] Choosing rather to ship all their eggs(balls?) in that build-into-the-wall basket
[6] I should be fair, Diebold ATMs are generally known as some of the most robust, bullet-proof(literally) ATMs out there. I just recently had an experience laughing my ass off at a clueless display of Make-it-go!-make-it-go!.

And so my trip ended in Washington(I'm back home now).
In many ways it's very apt that this be the case since Washington is so central to the identity of American society.
Monuments and memorials abound and the downtown area (around the White House, Capitol Hill and the Mall) is undoubtedly the center of the known political universe.

Washington was my favourite city to visit[1] and it has joined only three other cities[2] as a place that I would live in at the drop of a hat.
It is a leafy city with genuinely old suburbs within cycling distance of downtown; great urban living.




Washington feels more mature and focussed than the other cities I visited(Orlando especially) and somehow more settled. This appeals to me as I approach my late late late late twenties and prepare to descend into suspender city.

And downtown Washington kicks ass, managing to be both attractive[3] and all business. This is especially the case in the center of the center of political power; the corner of 16th Avenue and K Street[4].


K Street is known for the political lobby firms that are its tennants. These are the true professional politicials. They work behind the scenes to broker deals and promote the interests of their corporate clients.



Washington comes across as a very literate and conversationally active city, not least because of the numerous newspaper stands on just about every street corner. I counted at least 5 free daily newspapers(2 of them in Spanish) which could easily compete with South African paid-for dailies.


And, of course, it is very politically active. Not just in the politiking that saturates the downtown area[5] but also in the very visible display of political affiliations and protest.
In contrast to this the rest of America struck me as undoubtedly patriotic, but distinctly a-political.








It is also somehow very fitting that my trip should end in Washington since it is from here that modern America is produced and tumbles forth.
And this is not to say that the inhabitants of the city are just good ol' regular 'mericans - quite the opposite.
They are tough, urbane and, I'm convinced, pragmatic people.
But it is they who shape(dare I say control[6]?) wider America and determine its course into decline or triumph.



[1] And not only because it was the first day I had off in a week and a half.
[2] Tel Aviv, Barcelona and Rio de Janeiro
[3] The people are _very_ well dressed as are the numerous lunch time bakeries and sandwich places that cater to the power brokers and their staff.
[4] Of which I somehow didn't get a picture, so K and 19th will have to do.
[5] Just about every building is either a government agency or an NGO or just plan a industry lobby group.
[6] I don't think it does qualify as control. It's too subtle for that. I'm left with the impression that the serious management that greater America is subject to is not about a power elite who scamper from one secret society meeting to the next. It's just that America is a consumer-based society and that this special brand of myopic patriotism and goldfish-memory approach to government is the most efficient way to run the massive consumption that their economy requires. More on this later. So, is the Empire in Decline? It's not that simple.

Endless Entertainment

Actually it wasn't that bad. I floated down the lazy river on a pink inflatable tube and played golf at on of them fancy electrop-cart courses (on the corporate account, of course). But I draw the line at Mickey fucking Mouse[1].


Catalyst itself was a big success for our team. We had a prominent stand, a well-received product and a one of the most talked about demos presented by the company #3.
Obviously my part in this is limited to implementing the design determined by the bigger cheeses, but we've all picked up a lot of momentum from the last few days and I feel like I've made some strong connections in the process.

One of the things that is fascinating about these types of conferences (read, sales pitches) is that you can very quickly tell the difference between the big players within the company and the also-rans.
I smugly count two big players among my new firm-handshake-keep-it-up connections and have eliminated at least two from my have-any-real-influence list.

Catalytic
Three Big Guns, one Also-ran and two Tech Support
(Code Monkey not pictured)

Cue AC/DC, 'Well it's a dog-eat-dog! Eat cat too! French eat frog, and I eat you!'
hahahahaha - I've probably burnt a lot of karma over the last few days.
dichotomy.

I can't believe how tired I am.


[1] Who doesn't feature all that strongly in Disney's branding anymore. It seems that he too has done what all Americans eventually do and retired (to Arizona of course).

Aaarggh!

More insanity.
Next stop, Orlando FA for the Catalyst conference.

yaaargghhhh

Two long days in Atlanta and The Heat Is On

Atlanta is a beautiful city with wide forested green belt areas that run in and around downtown.
But here's what I've seen of the city so far.

yowza! the heat is being turned up.

We're(unexpectedly) flying out to Atlanta tommorrow morning at 06:00 to spend 3 days there doing final preparations for next week's customer conference in Orlando before heading back here to continue working on project number two.

What? You mean that I'm not here on holiday? sheesh.

Also, apparently I'm not the only person on an EiD tour - http://www.godhatesamerica.com
Hey, there might be some things that make me uncomfortable about the US, but this is ridiculous.
This dude is probably the scariest thing in the US right now.

Saturday was game-day for the UT (nobody says University of Texas) Longhorns.
The Horns (nobody says Longhorns) are the 2005 National College Football champions and have been embraced as messiahs of Austin's sports-drenched folks.
Austin doesn't have any major league NFL, Major Leauge Baseball or NBA) sports teams and so having the US champs college ball (nobody says football) team is a big deal.

The football season started this w/end (Labour Day w/end) and while the Horns were playing a minor neighbour school it was still a big event.
The 85 000-seater stadium was totally sold out.

Pre-match cheer (cheer is big in US football[2]) started at around 9am[1] and involves the gathering of fans in a tradition known as tailgating. This basically involves sitting on the back (the tailgate) of trucks (massive Ford, GMC and Dodge 4x4s) foor beer and barbequeue.
I'm sure that back in pre-metropole days of Austin this was cool (and South African rugby has very similar traditions) but the dense urban surroundings of the university and its stadium means that this has evolved(mutated?) into people sitting on the backs of trucks in multi-storey parking lots drinking beer and grilling. weird.

There are also several fans' clubs to which you can purchase entrance. This amounts to beer gardens with entertainment provided and more, uhm, cheer.


The stadium itself is gargantuan with two main stands (East and West) with sweeping decks.
The North stand is taken up with, what we were told is, the largest single screen in the world[4].



All tickets are priced the same (officially $50) and so there is an element of luck(skill?) in finding good seats and negotiating a price with the scalpers outside the stadium(apparently the entire season's tickets is sold-out before the season starts).
We somehow ended up with $75 tickets seven rows up on the 40-yard line (just about dead center) - prime seats. The extravaganza(and more importantly the violence[5]) would take place right in front of our noses.


Right now is supposedly the hottest time of year in Texas and since Fox Sports decided to schedule the match for 11am this would probably qualify as the hottest game of the year as well.
The mega-screen cheerfully informed us that the expected temperature at half time would be 92ºF and by the end of the fourth quarter we could look forward to a searing 97.

And in this sweltering heat we would be presented with a show to rival anything Nazi Germany could provide (sorry, bad joke).

The UT Show Band (nobody says marching band) consists of (I guess) 120 members, all done up in their duds and ankle-length white socks.
And boy can they blow up a storm. Their un-amplified tunages blasts all over the stadium and really rocks. It's a very, very impressive thing - but I wouldn't buy the CD.

There are more traditions than what are worth mentioning, from the world's biggest bass drum to the official Longhorn mascot named Bevo to a cannon (named Smokey[6]) which is fired each time the home team scores.




The band arrived, played up a storm, did their fancy choreographed moves, razzed the opposition and before you knew it, it was time for the Star Spangled Banner.


Followed by the slick unfurling and showing of one mother of a massive Lone Star flag

and an appearence by home-town boy made good Chuck Norris[7]! yeah!

And then finally - game time!


UT were playing North Texas who are generally known to be very much inferior to UT and this turned out to be a no-brainer[10].

The game itself moves quite slowly with 60 minutes of game time divided into 4 quarters and spread out over a total of 4 hours.
There's a lot of standing around involved.
But the players are very impressive - enormous hulks of pumped up beef that can probably only operate for a few minutes at a time (players are continually coming onto and leaving the field) but would likely be able to kill several men in that time with their bare hands.
It's a very American game - regimented and contra-endurance, but awesomely powerful when it's going.

The only feature bigger than the titanic players on the field is the UT's big big big screen on the Northern end of the stadium. While the action on the field may be stop/start the action on the screen is totally non-stop and pumped up with advertising, instant replays, announcements, transcripts of commentary, statistics and even the score.
It's like having 85000 people share a high definition TV with no need for a remote.


In the end I drank about 3 litres of soda[12], watched at least two hatless, strappy-top wearing chicks go from white to merlot and crapped my pants (just about) numerous times as Smokey roared each time the UT marched to their crushing 56-7 defeat of North Texas.


Qualitatively I had a great time. It was fun and outrageous and beyond OTT. But there's also some stuff about it that makes me deeply uncomfortable. I've spent the last few days trying to put what I've seen here into perspective of what I know about the rest of the world (especially the absurd history of South Africa of which I experienced the horrific choking, phlegm-spitting end).
And what I think is this: football and team pride as an expression of community is clearly very important to a large segment of the population.
And the fans really are friendly, respectful and passionate. I can honestly say that I didn't see one single person behaving like an idiot.
But (and this is the but) - I can also with total conviction say that I've never seen such a level of total conformity from such a large group of people.
Everyone knows the cheers by heart(which is not unusual by any means), everyone wears their team colours (nor is this) and everyone pays equal attention with equal appreciation to every detail.
But underneath this I felt a level of mutual re-inforcement of a conformance mentality and a deep, deep sense of belonging, not by relationships, but by attested loyalty that really freaked me out.
And it's not that anyone who doesn't conform is rejected - you're still welcome.
The problem is that so many people conform so willingly and so exactly and ultimately bring so very, very little of their own personalities and ideas with them.


Would I do it again? I'm not sure - I didn't really find it engaging as a sport, but the spectacle is unmatched. It's the ultimate distillation of what it means to be American in that real white-guy, big truck, alumni pride, US Today reading, Maxwell House drinking way.
It rocks, but it is scary as well.



[1] the relative minor status of this game in national terms meant that the broadcast networks shuffled the broadcast into one of their non-prime slots at 11am.
[2] the following day I saw a girl wearing a Nike-branded t-shirts that read 'Other athletes lift weights; Cheerleaders lift the athletes.' - Cheerleading is considered a form of athletics[3].
[3] as the National Cheerleading Championchips broadcast on ESPN attest to.
[4] though, apparently the Chinese are working on a bigger one. EiD?
[5] not that the game is that violent (too many pads) - but let's be real here about why this is such a popular game.
[6] sheesh! enough with the cute names already - the only thing not given a quolocial name is the opposition - uhm, wait - they're called the prey. "Hook 'em Horns!" *sigh*
[7] as an aside, we saw Chuck Norris in a swanky downtown restaurant[8] the night before. He's really short. really short.
[8] the plush Kenichi, home of the $70 steak[9].
[9] I shit you not, $70 - for a steak. We stuck to sushi at a breezy $30 a head.
[10] perhaps a bad turn of phrase as college football players are not generally known for their superior intellects[11].
[11] last year's start quaterback Vince Young is rumoured to be functionally illiterate - not that it matters when you can throw like that.
[12] here's a final rocking fact - US college football games are totally dry. Yup, no booze allowed on the grounds due to the US drinking limit of 21. Yowza! That's four hours in the sun with nothing but a soft drink and adrenalised pride and patriotism pumping through your veins. No wonder tailgating is so huge.

Another favourite American cliche which turns out to be true is how inward-looking the media is.
The hotel's complimentary newspaper is USA Today which is the most widely read paper in the country with a circulation of 2.25 million copies per day.
It sells for 75 cents and is printed on high-quality stock; massive circulation enables that sort of thing.

Even though its name makes it clear that it is overwhelmingly about the US I do think it is reasonable to expect that the largest daily newspaper should have some international news.

Of the thirty or so pages split into four distinct sections[2] this(below) is how much is devoted to international news. And that includes a photo of a Diana memorial.


And this section carries some serious news; Iran, Darfur and corruption in Russia amongst other bite-size morsels[1].

The only other substantial international news (several articles) is on, yup, Iraq.
But the, that's the 52nd state isn't it?

Some of the cartoons are quite good, especially this one below on Iran's Mahmoud.




[1] It seems that as big as the lunch servings are, as small are the news bites.
[2] This morning's edition carried a four-page pull-out section on this weekend's NHRA drag-racing event.

Jet lag sucks. It's creeping like a stinky fish that grabs hold of you by the ankles in the late afternoons.
It's also not good for coherent thought.

The hotel is close to a suburban area that makes for nice early morning walks (when that stinky fish just won't let you sleep anymore).
I'm not sure if it counts as a 'nice' suburb, but the streets are nice and so are the houses - very suburban.




The one thing that people don't seem big on here is gardening. All the gardens are either quite overgrown or very uniformly trim (looking suspiciously like they're all maintained by the same garden service company).
This is probably because gardening isn't really that convenient.

Which brings me to my second item for today: convenience.
The US is convenience-crazy (convenience be-fucked). Everything is convenient, even the dentist comes in a neat little single-serving sachet.

The Austin office has a Flavia coffee machine which just blows my mind.



How it works is that you select a foil-fresh sachet from the range of flavoured coffees conveniently arranged in a dispenser; slip said sachet into the Flavia's neat little gullet; press a single button and voila! French Roast Moccachino has never been so, uhm, convenient.
The Flavia will even swallow the used sachet to save you from having to throw it away.

And if you require extra creaminess there's a range of ultra-pasturised milkies in little cups (like what budget hotel rooms provide) in four different flavours for easy single-serving use.
The fridge contains no milk.
There's also no sugar, but three types of artificial sweetner.